In honor of Thanksgiving Day, I present the following poetastrical pamperistrophe, composed several years ago by its own author, myself namely.

Why You Shouldn’t Eat an Elephant

You shouldn’t eat an elephant
Because they’re so intelligent.
You might think that’s irrelevant,
But I would disagree.

Besides, it’s hard to sell events
Involving eating elephants,
And you would need a swell of friends,
To help you eat an elephant,
And (anyone can tell) offense
Would spread to other elephants,
Who then would come and fell the fence
Encompassing the tenements
Wherein their brother elephants,
Are being topped with condiments
And entering the alimentary
canals
Of denizens of elephantophagial settlements!
Oh, gee!

Now you might say, “Oh, hell! If ants
And flies can eat an elephant
That naturally fell (events
Conspiring to return him to his elements)
Why shouldn’t we?

But please don’t eat an elephant.
It will be just as well; it’s anti-
Elephantic sentiment
To persecute the elephant,
And manifests the contra-pachydermal temperament,
That’s prevalant
Among the cruel consumers of the elephant.
You see?

I hope I’ve spoken well. If any
Body else can tell if any
Better words could quell events
Malignant to the elephants,
Please contact me.